Recently, I had a lovely conversation with an old friend from Singapore who’s in a struggle whether to keep working in the corporate world or step out of it and find her passion. I asked her “what’s holding you back?” And her answer was within a second “the money, and mostly the financial security and freedom that comes with it”. And that was the exact answer that I gave 3 years ago when I started thinking about my jump into the unknown.

Life decisions and money

It’s unbelievable how many decisions in life that actually have nothing to do with money are made from a ‘money’ mindset. Yes of course, we need to pay our bills and have some sort of financial stability in order to live a decent life. But when is it really about money and having that stable foundation in life, and when is it our ego talking? And what does ‘a decent life’ even mean? Consider the following decisions, that all of us come across at some point in our lives:

What profession will I pursue? Do I choose my job from a rational and society-led perspective or from the heart and creativity? I know (unfortunately from experience) that a banker makes a lot more money than a yoga teacher. And unfortunately, most considered creative professions do not have a similar salary attached to it as a regular office job does. The balance is so off in that sense. Because of that, most of us don’t choose a job from the heart. We choose based on what we feel we are ‘supposed’ to do, led by society. We choose based on safety and security (fuck that, no?!). We choose based on what everybody else does, at least the majority. Because we’re scared. Scared to become poor, judged, not liked, weird, etc. But who says that you can’t earn good money as a yoga teacher? That’s sooo in my head! It’s less likely, for sure. But it’s not impossible. It’s the expectation, and the fear that this expectation is true that holds us back.
What food will I eat? Healthy, fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, nuts and seeds are more expensive than crappy processed foods, so many of us choose inexpensive, lower quality foods because we believe we can’t afford it. We don’t realize though, that by buying (and hence consuming!) crap foods, our medical bills will only increase. Maybe not today, but in the long run they will. We are unwilling to spend a few more bucks on our weekly grocery budget, but it’s fine to spend hundreds of dollars every year on medicine and treatments. Weird no?
And even whom will I engage with in a relationship?! It sounds terrible, but me being in such a delicate financial position for myself with my life here in Bali, makes me feel so much more attracted to men that do have that strong financial base. I don’t like myself for saying this, and the last thing I want is to be financially dependent on a man, but somehow it would give me more comfort and trust for my own business to keep trying if there would be someone standing next to me and supporting me through a shorter rough time. And even if you have a stable position yourself, naturally we are attracted to money, and the freedom (think travelling, nice stuff, a nice house) and the stability that comes with it, so that also counts for the people we are attracted to. Of course, this is not as strong for everyone, but it’s not unusual.

The scarcity mindset

Our money mindset is developed based on what our parents told us about money, what society has taught us and the experiences we have had around money throughout our lives. Most people see money as a scarce resource; there is never enough. One of the things I learned about money when giving up my pretty good Singapore consultancy salary and traded it for 20 bucks per yoga class, is that money is so relative. What you have, you spend. What you don’t have you don’t spend. So scarcity isn’t really an issue: it’s the standards you set. When you get a pay raise, you get a bigger house or a bigger car. So your ‘scarcity’ remains the same. It will never be enough. It almost doesn’t matter what you earn, you just re-adjust your standards and live accordingly.

But we can change this scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset! How, you’d ask?! By changing your statement “I can’t afford that” into “I choose not to spend this”. You always have a choice. It is about what you value most and prioritize. “Can’t afford that” is not really a thing. We all have some money, the question is what you find most important to spend it on.

Get what you deserve

It’s tough though, it pisses me off so much sometimes (like REALLY pisses me off), that I don’t get what I feel I deserve financially for the work that I do. I earn about 25% now (yes, for real), of what I used to earn. And I still work my ass off. I still put my heart and soul into it. I often don’t feel valued for what I do, because I apparently – and here we get to the point – still relate my personal value to money. That’s what I need to learn. And let go. My personal value as a professional is not determined by money. Appreciation comes in so many forms. Partially from money, but also from words, smiles, gifts, transformations I see in people, feedback etc. You are more than the number on your bank account!

Freedom

The other thing I learned about money for myself is that I don’t need the amount of money I earned back in my corporate days, but I do need a certain base income and more important, stability to keep me feeling secure and grounded. It has been one of my biggest struggles lately, to not have that stability. It’s weird, to go from having all the freedom in the world, to not having any freedom at all. To me, freedom is related to money. It may seem like I am living a great and free life here in Bali, but at the same time I feel trapped. I am – no rephrase, I feel – stuck here, because I have no money to travel anywhere, I have no money to do fun things, I have no money to buy myself nice clothes every now and then….

And I realize that for me, happiness is not money itself, but happiness is not having to worry about money and having financial freedom to have choices.

You are what you spend

The way you spend money on yourself is a reflection of the way you look at yourself. Do you value yourself? Do you feel you’re worth it? For me the answer is, unfortunately still “no”. I have been thinking about this for a long time, and I realized that I am stuck with a strong belief around money. And that is that I only ‘deserve’ to spend money on myself, if I have done X, accomplished Y, and the whole world thinks I’m great and fantastic. Which will never happen! Because new goals, actions and people will come into my life, and I will have to keep proving I’m worth it. That will never end. Unless I choose to end it.

It is also about setting personal boundaries. I used to do a lot for free or for a really low rate when I just started teaching and coaching. Because I felt I was just a rookie and needed the experience. I only recently nearly doubled my coaching prices because I got my ass kicked by a friend who made me realize I was asking way too little for my services (thanks Jord!). Not asking what you’re worth means I don’t value myself, but I also don’t value my clients. Because less money means I have less attention and focus for them. And if I struggle to make myself a living, feeling stressed and tired having to run from job to job, then how can I give my clients the best experience possible?

How to change your money mindset

I know that these things are all my personal limiting beliefs around money in my head. You will have your own. So this is where we need to do the work.

For me that means, letting go of the belief that I can only be happy if I have a certain amount of money or stability. Because again, it will never be enough anyways.

It means letting go of the idea that my personal worth is reflected by the money I earn.

It means, letting go of the fear around not growing any retirement fund for later. My god mother said to me the other day “don’t try to live the life we did, it is different now”. And she is right. Retirement will work different for this generation, because we don’t work for the same company for 30 years, we take sabbaticals, travel, live and work abroad. And that all affects our financial base in our home countries. So things will need to change and they will.

It also means letting go of my belief that because today I earn X, I will earn this for the rest of my life. The fact that there is no outlook yet on something better is actually my biggest fear. But I need to trust that it will get better. It’s the ‘not knowing’ when and I how I will earn myself a decent salary again, that’s terrifying. Truly terrifying.

And it also means realizing that I won’t be alone forever and that the money I will have won’t come just from me and my monthly income. What I mean with that is that at some point I will find a partner for life (at least, I hope), and together you always have a stronger financial situation than alone (yes, that was a little hint to all the amazing hot, kind and most importantly, rich guys out there). I don’t have to do it all alone, forever. Neither do you.

It’s a good lesson, to not have a lot of money for a while. I always had a good life and never had to worry about money. This is the first time I do worry. And that is difficult. But this time helps me to appreciate money so much more. And to make more conscious decisions about what I spend my money on.

Money follows passion

So I (and you!) need to trust that things will work out. That as long as I follow my heart, and live my life with passion, the money will follow. Maybe not now, but some day in the future. And maybe not in 6 digits, but at least in 5. There is no one path to financial freedom, we all walk our own. Just be aware of your path. Don’t ignore your finances. Sit with it, know your situation. And take care of it. Check in with your own limiting beliefs around money and how to change those. Now that is what I call some serious self-care. And you’re worth it!

Don’t let money guide your decisions in life. There’s only one way to make the best decisions for you and to live your best life, and that’s by following your heart. So get out of your mind, and into your heart! Bring in that abundance!

Send me a message if you’d like to talk further about this. I have seen both sides, and I know how it feels. So let me help you if you’re struggling with the same things!

And now I’m off shopping, because I deserve it.

Big hug, Myrthe

P.s. Looking for a good read on your relationship with money? Money; a love story from Kate Northrup is epic!