How I went from high heels and fancy dresses to flip flops and yoga pants

“Picture yourself a young woman. High heels, expensive tight fit black dress on, cuppa on-the-go in her hand, running up the escalator to be just in time for her first meeting of the day on the 23rd floor of a skyscraper office. She’s got a bunch of meetings lined up until about 7PM in the evening. In between, she prepares some slide decks and has a couple of coffee catch ups. For lunch, she eats a quick salad behind her desk while answering a ton of emails. She leaves the office after dark – taking a conference call on the way – to have a sweat session in the gym with her PT. Coming home finally, she prepares a simple but kind of healthy dinner that she’ll eat from her sofa and falls dead in bed by 10PM.”

That woman was me, only 2 years ago, while I was working as a consultant in Financial Services in Singapore. Whether your gender allows you to wear heals or not, a lot of you will probably recognize yourself in this description. It’s what I did for almost 7 years and I loved a big part of it: managing and organizing; team work; connecting with people through coaching and networking; working towards a clear goal and achieving something, GSD (getting shit done) was my motto; the comfort of money; the fancy dinners and drinks parties; the ‘hustle and bustle’; and the feeling of being ‘someone’ that comes with a job like this.

But I quit. I left all the security and comfort I had in this world behind, not knowing what would be next. Why, would you ask, if I had it all quite together?

Who am I?

I have known from the moment I set foot in that office 7 years ago, that I didn’t fully fit in and that my life would look completely different someday. My first few years as a consultant were tough. I had to learn a lot, not just about banking and consulting, but, more importantly, about myself. Working in an environment with so many smart people who compete against each other about the amount of hours they worked in a day, and whether they even ‘had time’ for lunch or not, was difficult for me. I struggled. Hard. Coming from a very caring and loving family background, but also a very protected one, I hadn’t ‘seen’ much in life and hadn’t had to fend for myself really. And suddenly working as a professional in Amsterdam’s corporate environment put me to the test. Who was I and what was my value as a consultant? Why would a bank pay EUR 1000,- per day for me while I didn’t know shit about what I was doing?

After trying to be like everyone else for about 2,5 years, I broke. I remember myself sitting in front of my manager at that time, in tears. He was shocked “because I always looked so good and happy and confident”. And that was exactly the problem. I had completely lost myself. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying to be the best combination of all my smart and talented colleagues and look like I had it all under control. I broke and I asked for help.

And that help came, in the form of my personal life & job coach. She helped me to understand that I would never make it in the corporate world – but more importantly not in life in general – if I wouldn’t stop comparing myself to others and trying to be someone I’m not. Can you imagine (and yes, you probably can, because we all do this to a certain extend) how much energy it costs you EVERY SINGLE DAY to be someone you’re not?! I was exhausted of pretending. Until then, I didn’t even realize that this also caused a lot of my physical ailments.

My weirdness

Throughout my coaching program I learned that we all bring something special to the table. Something that makes us unique and that it is exactly this unique selling point (USP) that we need to use to our advantage in order to become successful and happy in life; to feel aligned with ourselves and live from our hearts. I learned that the same thing that had always been the source of my feeling of not ‘fitting in’ in the corporate environment was exactly what made me special. Once I understood that, I started to use my ‘weirdness’. I could step out of my insecurity and made big steps in my career. I became successful as a consultant not just because I had good project management skills but because I was good at connecting with people; because I made stupid jokes during important senior management meetings; because I didn’t care too much about hierarchy and could relate to operational employees and very senior managers with the same ease; because I cared for personal relationships with people and fun on the floor.

Heart on fire

But that feeling – that someday I would be doing something completely different – stayed with me throughout the years and started to evolve. The one most important thing that stung me about working in a bank is that I just couldn’t find any passion for helping a bank make more money than they already do. There was always stress and everything had to be ready rather yesterday than today. And why? For what? Who would die if I didn’t deliver that Powerpoint presentation today but tomorrow instead? Would the world collapse? Exactly, the answer was no. So fuck it. Get the gist?

I was looking for something that would set my heart on fire, that would make me jump out of bed in the morning and that would make the world a little better. Not that I’m the Greenpeace kind of girl, but I do believe that we are all here on this planet with a purpose. And most of us never find, let alone express, that purpose.

Food as medicine

Parallel to all this, I had been suffering for years from minor (but emotionally they became rather major) physical problems – chronic fatigue, asthma, eczema, digestive problems, allergies. I've seen many doctors. About 10 years ago I met this amazing mesologist (alternative medicine), and she was the first person to tell me something that finally made sense to me. She introduced me to the concept of food as medicine and how what you eat impacts your health. So during my last corporate years, I started to focus more on my physical wellbeing (and hence also emotional wellbeing!). I started posting on ‘the Gram’ and found out that some people actually enjoyed reading my #fitgirl posts. I found a ‘sort of’ good routine to balance a healthy lifestyle with my busy job. But that wasn’t enough...

Finding my passion

I didn’t know what I wanted to do or even COULD do (#newgenerationproblems) if I would quit my consulting job and try something else. All I knew was that I was passionate about health and finding balance.

I thought for a while that I could ‘find my new passion’ while staying in my consulting job and just slowly starting something on the side. I was wrong. I needed to step out of my current environment completely in order to have ‘space’ in my head for new things. I also learned that you don’t ‘just’ wake up one day and think “oh, this is my passion”. Your passion has always been within you. You just need to allow it (back) in and open your mind to see it. I can see now, that my love for dancing, the unconscious need for more spirituality and my search for creativity in a normal office job were the signs of my passion.

Quitting was hard; because I gave up every little bit of security and routine I had in my life. And being a very organized person that loves a safe home, you can imagine that the shit hit the fan in my head. But I thought: “I will give myself a few months to try new things, do a yoga teacher training, start a nutrition course and travel for a while. And on the way, I will figure it all out.” Well, no…

Loving myself

The hardest lesson I had to learn from those months of travelling, not working, having no daily purpose and clear goals in life and no income, was that my self-worth and self-love did not come from a job, from performance or from achieving goals.

It was never enough anyways. Every time I would reach a particular goal in my career or in my personal life, I could enjoy that literally for 5 minutes and then the next project was already there. I never took time to sit down, to reflect and – hallelujah – to celebrate!

That fake feeling of ‘importance’ and mattering to the world because you have a good career was bullshit, but I had to learn that the hard way and get really intimate and vulnerable with myself to admit that. I mattered, I was important, and cool and smart and beautiful also if I would spend my days relaxing on a beach and taking yoga classes. I realized that all those years, I hung up my feeling of being someone, to accomplishments. And I didn’t accomplish shit for about 6 months. So I can tell you, those 6 months were not my best time in life, to say the least. I cried a lot, I felt lost and full of fear in beautiful Bali and got sick (physically) several times. But I also could feel deep down that I had to go through this, in order to find my new purpose. And then suddenly, the first opportunity for me to start teaching yoga came up. And that gave me faith.

A year later now, I still am not where I wanted myself to be. That achiever, that perfectionist in me still wants too much. But if I look at what I did achieve in a year, it is actually huge and I couldn’t have asked for more. What I also realized, is that it is not always about measurable results; I achieved a lot in terms of my personal growth and development and lessons I had to learn. I am teaching yoga now in a few amazing studios and resorts here in Bali, I am coaching several amazing people and I organized my first retreat last year and 3 more to come this year. I am creating content, working on several super cool projects and I am living an amazing life in Bali and meet the most inspiring people on my way.

Practice what you preach

But I am scared. So scared. I feel like a rookie again, I feel insecure about what I have to bring to the table in this new career. I feel like I don’t count yet as a yoga teacher, with these 10.000 other amazing and talented and experienced yoga teachers in Bali. Who am I to say that “I am a health coach”, while I am still struggling with my own health issues? Who am I to say “I am a yogi”, while I am still stressed as fuck on a regular basis and can’t commit to my own healthy habits? Who am I to tell you what to do when I can’t even practice what I preach?

But you know what? If I wasn’t going through shit myself, then what would I have to share with you? If I was all peaced out and balanced and stable, would you be able to relate to me? Yogis are some of the most unstable people (haha, yes really), but because of that I can share what I learn on my path. I can relate to you. I can feel your pain. I can help you.

Empowering others on their health journey

Even though I knew deep down my consulting job wasn’t for me on the long run, I wouldn’t have want to miss it for the world. I am beyond grateful for those years in the corporate world. For all the lessons I have learned, the skills I picked up, the people I met and the life I lived for a while. I wouldn’t be where I am today without this experience.

Bali now gives me the opportunity to learn and to grow, and to redo my resume from financial consulting to yoga teacher and health coach. But what I really want in the future, is to find the perfect combination between my management- and people skills and holistic health. A job where I can bring my ‘weirdness’ AND my experience as a yoga teacher and health coach back into the corporate world in a different fashion. Because I know it can help other professionals (like I used to be), to become healthier and happier in what they do and who they are. I don’t know yet exactly what that will look like, but I can feel – more than ever now – that things will fall into place when they have to. The universe has got my back (and yours too btw!). And the more often I say this to myself, the more it becomes true. You have the power to change your own life by changing your own mind set.

I said to myself the other day: “One day I will change lives and make people feel better about themselves”. And then a second later I thought: “WTF Myrt! You already ARE changing lives.” It happens so often that students come to me after a yoga class and say: “Thank you so much, that was exactly what I needed and you totally hit the nail on the head with your words”. I AM changing lives. It’s not rocket science, it’s being relatable, and knowing that in the end we all struggle with the same things in life around health, love, belonging and growth. And that just sharing my path, my journey with you, will make you feel better about yourself. It will make you feel understood, supported and not alone in your struggles. So what am I talking?!? I am exactly where I need to be. Walking around in flip flops and yoga pants all day, changing lives.

Love, Myrthe