Dear feelings, eat your heart out!

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Binge Eating.jpg
 
 
 

It starts with a few dried dates (healthy snack, right?), then it moves to cheese and crackers, and before you know it that whole chocolate bar and bag of crisps are down as well. Sounds familiar anyone? To be honest, I haven’t met a lot of people in my life who have NEVER had a day like this. If you haven’t, please call me because I (and probably everyone else reading this article) would love to hear your secret 😉 How is it so that many of us easily and regularly overeat and can’t stop eating once we’re in a bad eating ‘flow’? I guess the good news is, it has got nothing to do with real hunger.

 

But what are we actually talking about? 

Let’s get this straight: what is this binge style of eating? Whether you call it emotional eating, stress eating or the more formal name binge eating disorder (BED) and whether you’ve been formally ‘diagnosed’ or not, it all comes down to a similar situation. It is a quite severe, but treatable (yes, there’s hope!) eating disorder characterized by recurring episodes of eating large quantities of food too quick, and to a point of discomfort. These eating episodes have nothing to do with satisfying actual hunger. Often, they come with a sense of losing control, shame, disgust (towards the self) and guilt afterwards. Or even more serious, compensatory measures like purging or complete food intake restrictions the next day to counter the binge eating. If this happens to you on a regular basis you may find yourself with all sorts of physical and mental (yes! Did you see that coming?) problems: consistent stomach cramps, constipation, weight fluctuations, brain fog and concentration issues. The quality of your life may decrease, whether it involves work or social interactions. Obesity, depression, anxiety and addictions of any sort may arise. None of that is fun! And none of that is helping you to live your best life as a healthy and happy human.

 

Still, nearly 3 million of Americans suffer from it, and the same amount across the rest of the globe. It’s the most common eating disorder. When you struggle with this type of eating disorder, you use food to make yourself feel better – you eat to satisfy emotional needs, rather than to satisfy physical hunger. But the problem is, emotional hunger can’t be satisfied with food. Not only does the original emotional issue remain, but we also feel guilty for overeating. Double trouble. It may look like the real problem is that you feel powerless over food, but in reality you feel powerless over your emotions. You don’t feel capable of dealing with your emotions head on, so you avoid them and suppress them. The most common emotions around binge eating relate to stress and anxiety, loneliness and low self-esteem. In order to stop emotional eating, you have to find other ways to fulfill yourself emotionally. For some that may sound easy to solve: work on your stress levels, and you’ve solved your problem. But, for many people, recognizing the fact that their eating habits are related to their emotional state in general is already a big thing and then understanding what exactly is triggering their binging, is another thing in itself. Let alone doing something about it and breaking through old, recurring patterns! It’s not so easy.

 

My story

I struggle with this too. I may seem like one of your average #fitgirls, which is true for most of the days. And although I have never been ‘diagnosed’ with anything, I do think that I have a few ‘unhealthy’ habits. I may eat super healthy and balanced mostly, but I overeat regularly, at least once a week, often more. And regularly, even if my food is healthy, I don’t stop when I’m full. I haven’t learned to listen to my body, telling me I’ve had enough and then stop eating. We only need as much food per meal as fits in the bowl of our hands. Everything else will be hard to digest and doing that on a regular basis creates structural issues with bloating and the gastrointestinal tract.

 

I hear often, “Myrt, how can you even get all that food down in such a tiny body”? To be honest, I don’t know…I may have a big stomach, I think I do need a lot of food in general to keep me going through a day. But still, I often eat too much. One of my biggest fears is – funny as it sounds – to be hungry. I can’t handle being hungry and even the idea of being hungry. I get seriously ‘hangry’ (hungry and angry, deadly combination – stay away if you ever find me in that state). So I plan my day around my meals, always making sure there cannot be a moment that I may be hungry. I also find it difficult to leave food, when I am actually full. I will always finish my plate (and even my friend’s plate). That’s why buffets are the worst for me. I will keep going. I will stuff myself up and only stop when I start to feel nauseous. It feels sometimes like I’m literally ‘stocking up’ for winter.

Maybe in a past life I was poor and suffered from hunger, which is why it scares me so much nowadays?! No, all jokes aside, I have been trying to understand why it’s such a thing for me, why I am so afraid of being hungry. And I think the answer lies in ‘emptiness’; filling up the gaps I feel in life. So for me as well, it comes back to feelings. Emotions. From the outside, everyone thinks I am living the dream life here in Bali. Which is true to a certain extent: I have all the freedom in the world; I am doing work that I love; I can go to the beach every day; the sun shines every damn day; I can travel; and I get to meet so many like minded adventurous people. But, there’s a downside: I worry a lot about money because I cannot sustain myself with my work (yet); I don’t have a clear 5-year plan of where I want my new career to go; I do not have my best friends and family around; I am still single at 31, and I would love to be IN love again and have a partner to share the good and the bad with; I don’t have a proper house that I can call home; and there are many administrative challenges when it comes to living in Bali as an expat, which keep me up at night sometimes. So I don’t spend all my days chilling on a beach with a coconut (ok ok, some days I do). I work my ass of and worry a lot about the future (in all respects). So with literally all the big pillars in life (home, love, work) still up in the air, food is one of the things that I do have control over and where I don’t want to feel unstable or lacking. In other words, I don’t want to feel ‘empty’ in my stomach as well, because in some ways I already feel empty in my heart. And ensuring that my stomach is always full is a way for me to deal with that. Heavy as that may sound, it doesn’t mean that I am totally unhappy with my life here. The opposite actually! But it is a lot to handle, having no solid base, whether it’d be in work, love or home. And that is the core for me when it comes to overeating.

 

How to break through your patterns

Even though I haven’t figured it all out, I did find my own ways to deal with it. And I’m happy to share this with you.

To begin with, there are a few things you can do on a physical level:

  • Don’t diet, but eat a balanced, healthy and nutritious diet and drink lots of water daily

  • Portion your meals so you don’t have a chance to overeat

  • Eat slow and mindfully, so your brain has got time to notice it’s full

  • Install a regular meal routine to keep your blood sugar levels steady and you won’t get any cravings during the day, and definitely don’t skip meals!

  • Go low(er) on sugar – in any form, including fruits and carbs – because sugars create dopamine for the brain (a hormone and neurotransmitter which is highly addictive and will make you want more sugar / sweet stuff)

  • Move your body. And move it mindfully – acknowledging what it needs. Maybe today that is a  high intensity gym workout, and tomorrow it may be a yin yoga class. Movement increases our happiness levels!

  • Ensure a good night sleep, because sleep supports hormone synthesis, cell development, protein production, metabolism, growth, memory and so much more, which all support a healthy and happy life

I know, some of the above are the cure for almost everything in life, so it seems obvious. It’s not the only solution – we’ll get to the actual point soon – but it supports the real work you got to do. Setting yourself up with a healthy lifestyle in the first place, will make the rest only easier and will give results faster. So go and get this done!

But admittingly, then it gets a little harder…how do you figure out the emotional side of your eating habits? This is what helps me, and how I also work with my clients whenever they face issues like these…

  • Awareness. It starts with awareness and allowing in the idea that your cravings and binge eating habits may come from something that’s bothering you mentally or emotionally. When there is no physical reason for your cravings, you will need to consider the option that there’s stuff ‘up there’ happening that may cause all of this. Whenever you read or hear gurus talk about emotional eating, they will confirm that most of these issues are connected with mental wellbeing. This may slowly open up your eyes for how this could apply to you. Ask yourself, what is going on in my life that keeps me up at night or makes me worry? Could any of these things influence my eating habits? Can I see a pattern here?

  • Track & trace. Keep an emotional food & mood diary for a week or so. Write down everything you eat and how you feel directly after this meal and a few hours later. This will help you to understand better when you binge and why.

  • Read the signs. Whenever you feel the need to binge, can you take a step back first before you take any action and ask yourself: what is my body telling me? A craving is always a sign of the body that something is out of balance. So ask yourself what is off balance for you that day. What gap are you trying to fill up with this food? Do I miss something or someone?

  • Let it in. Letting the ‘pain’ (your gap, or need) in, sitting with that pain and allowing it to be felt already creates so much space for healing. Allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable, because emotions can be scary. We always think that when we let pain in, that we will die or feel terrible forever. But you know what? Once you let the pain in, you’ll notice that you are still alive, that the pain fades away and that you actually feel lighter afterwards. Cry, curl up on the sofa, think your dark thoughts. Let it be there. Don’t suppress it. And then take action.

  • Filling the gap. Once you have found the underlying gap or need that is underneath the binge, how can you soothe these emotions? Maybe you need to call a friend, pet your dog, take a hot bath, go for a long walk in nature, dance, sing, take some time to read a good book or light some candles and incense. Whatever it is, that is really bothering you, can you go back to the source and work with that, instead of taking the food? Even if you cannot fill the void (kinda hard to find myself a boyfriend within 5 minutes before I grab the chocolate, right?!), at least now you are aware of what’s bothering you and that creates an opportunity to do it differently this time and not grab for the food.

  • Choose and act. Then, you can continue from a place of empowerment: you are aware of why you feel the need to binge, you have allowed your emotions around it to be felt and maybe you have found something else to fill the void. Now you have a choice. You can still choose to have the chocolate, but you do it mindfully and really enjoy the taste. Or, you choose not to have the chocolate because you have filled your gap with something else. Something that comes from a place of love, for yourself and your real needs. In order to do this, you need to become more mindful and learn how to stay connected to your emotional experience in such a moment.

 

Loving yourself

So that’s it. And as you can probably tell, it’s all about self-love and self-care, guys! Filling your body with crap and eating until your body is unable to digest it is not self-care, it’s self-destruction. And funny enough, it’s the moments that we feel bad emotionally that we should actually take even better care of ourselves. But even though I know all of this, I still find it hard to practice it myself fully as well. I’m not there yet, but I am slowly starting to learn to listen more to my body. When it is really hungry, and when it is craving something else, maybe a hug from someone or some relaxing time or a beach walk. I can control my bad days a little better, because I am better able to identify the real issue behind it faster. And then I often think “is it really worth it to break my good eating flow today?” And “that chocolate is not going to make me feel any better, it will only make it worse”.

So dear feelings, go eat your heart out! I got this. I am ready to face my emotions, to allow them in and to take better care of myself. And so are you.

Share your experience with emotional eating in the comments or send me a message if you need help with this!

And now I’m off to get myself my favorite piece of cake. Not because I HAVE to, but because I CAN, and I think I deserve it 😉

Much love, Myrthe

 

*I have used the terms binge eating and emotional eating interchangeably throughout this article even though they are not one and the same. But they are closely related and I believe that the causes are highly similar so for simplification reasons, I chose to use them like this.